Borrowed from a discussion board called BCR.

In answer to the question: how to handle cruises safely:

why yes, here are your Prime Directives:

In Response To: Cruise RKI's - need some real-world answers

Here is your "packing list," complied by BCRs over time. It's not so much a list of things to take....rather what to expect, and what you'll need to do ahead of time. It's important to understand, you're really not going on a cruise.....rather an odd twist of "Lord of the Flies," "Poseidon Adventure," and "Star Trek." These are not my suggestions, rather actual BCR posts over the years, and I semi remember which BCRs suggested each. Hopefully, since I never copied them, I can remember them all. You have three main objectives: repair the ship, control the ship, and aquire free booze/non-watered down drinks/ sneak booze onto ship. All three are apparently of equal importance.

Before the Trip, Download:

PDFs of Diesel Turbine repair. When "it," all goes down, you will need to help repair the engines. You need to accept the fact that the trained engineering crew will need your expertise on getting the ship running again. Have a pre-made chart of hand signals made up, so the trained engineers can hand you their tools as you remedy the diesel turbine generator problems.

PDFs of commandeering and navigating the ship. After your get her running, you will be driving the boat. Yes, it's true....on this trip, all BCRs need to be ready to take over the Captain's role.

Purchase a satellite phone, ideally with video ability. You need to be able to broadcast to the world, the feces on the wall, the feces boiling up out of sinks, the feces piling up in the hallways ect.

Purchase as much hand sanitizer as possible. Clearly, every surface of the ship had been covered in feces of some sort. Be ready.

On the Day of Arrival:

Once on board, locate your life vest. You will be wearing it at all times, or at least keeping it with you. It may be better to just think of it as your tactical vest.

Sketch a map of the hallways. Remember, this map stays with you, and must be understandable when the ship rolls over.

Identify what furniture in your cabin can be destroyed to make spears. Take the initiative and start destroying them right away, so you'll be that much closer to having your spears ready.

Locate cardboard in your cabin. Unroll all the toilet paper upon arrival. You need the cardboard tube for knife sheaths. Since you will soon be able to defacate anywhere at your leisure, your cabin toilet will be of no use.

Soon you will be told to report to your lifeboat station. This is a lie. As a BCR, you are entitled to choose which lifeboat you want. Actually, soon they will all be yours, or at least the ones on the half of the ship you control. Let them play their game.....

Locate the main dining room. This is your source of steak knives for the piece of cardboard you have hidden in your pants. Feel free to examine the knives now.

In the dining room, locate the chairs most suitable for club making. If you'd like, start setting them to the side. It's always better to be ready.

Proceed to the rear of the ship. Looking over the bow, you will see a lower deck reserved for the crew. This will be their base and your objective.

Locate a deck somewhat to the front of the crew's deck. This is where the deck furniture will be made into barricades and the hostage exchanges take place.

Next, identify the most reasonable barkeep to fraternize with. He is your source of un diluted drinks, and eventually will be your second in command. You can begin to enlighten him on how you both will make it out ect. (Truth be told....he is your "Red Shirt," crew member, and when he gotta go...he gotta go!). In the short run, the barkeep can provide important intel on passages into the crew's deck, and may even serve as your negotiator. Go ahead and start the process by showing him your PDFs.

When you find yourself in a hallway: never turn your back on anyone approaching you. As you get close, turn and side-step. As you then pass...face your opponent and step backwards. If your opponent looks back at you....he is a threat. If your opponent is walking backwards AND has a piece of cardboard sticking out of his gotz big problems! This means there is another BCR on board. Either you team up, or that ship is going down. >Day Two:

You will have an opportunity to disembark. This is a trick to leave you behind, and for the crew to steal the spears in your cabin. That said, you need to use this opportunity to gather supplies.

Upon arriving at the dock, go straight to fruit vendors and buy fruit. It's not that you need the fruit.....rather the fruit is a decoy, allowing you to aquire knives in the port-o-call. Nobody would question you peeling or skinning fruit with a knife.

You then proceed to aquire water bottles and cheap booze. Dump the water and fill with them with booze. are at all times no more than 50 yards from the ship. As soon as the last passenger gets off, you MUST be back in line to get on. At check in, the crew will be so distracted at finding the rancid fruit and knife.....they will not notice the water bottles filled with booze! Fools! The knife was sacrificial for the booze! Anyways, you will be getting more steak knives tonight at dinner.

Then proceed to the upper deck to track which passengers are left behind. Cross them off of your opponent list, but know their cabins are available for spear making supplies.

Good luck. Keep us informed via the satellite phone. (Oh, get the fuck off Carnival and rebook on Royal Carribian. Second, upgrade to a balcony. You will regret it otherwise.)

Q. Arrius